The Real Secret

So here’s the other thing that happened that set the stage for my break down and breakthrough. Alien visitation. No I’m kidding. What actually happened was that after years of soldiering through on my own, I made a plan in advance to have a friend greet me when I got off stage, take me out afterward, celebrate me, and literally physically hold me. I made this plan before the show in order to create a whole new level of safety. A nest. A place that after I took this giant risk to share some of the deepest, funniest, and most painful things in my life that I share in my comedy act, they would be there no matter how it went with the audience. No matter how many people liked or disliked me, no matter how much love and praise I got after the show, No matter how quickly my fans disappeared at the end of the night.

Vulnerability Deepens When Safety is Present

And I truly believe that the level of depth and vulnerability, the level I let others see and feel me, and the level I dropped into honesty, is a direct result of having made this post show self-care plan.

Someone in fact told me that from this point onward, if I don’t include my community as part of my work, if I don’t allow people in to support me, I won’t be able to expand further. And I see that it is time to believe I deserve this. And I want this for you too. The time of the lone wolf is over. You will be surprised what kind of magic appears when you invite others to support you. Not everyone will get it, and that’s fine. Keep inviting people until the right ones show up and then show up for others in the way that you want to be supported as well. Imagine what kind of material gets created when you feel safe and loved. Imagine how this might shift your experience of who you are on stage. Imagine if every performer got on stage feeling already loved and protected and filled up. What might they then transmit to an audience?

Now go out there and get loved up!

Alicia Dattner

Comedian and Creatrix Alicia Dattner is an internationally-acclaimed, award-winning performer who loves to help others use the power of humor to transform their lives and write a new unfolding story for the world.


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